


Have A Narsty New Years

by Lmaooooonade



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Because i love this gross man and you do too, Gross, Lets get narsty, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, New Years, Other, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 23:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17253650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lmaooooonade/pseuds/Lmaooooonade
Summary: Let's face it, this year was shitty! You're single and scoping the crowd for someone to kiss at that ball drop, but they find you first!Are you really that desperate, though? Because uuuuhhhhhhh......He's kinda gross.Fuck it, yes you are.Gender neutral reader.





	Have A Narsty New Years

**Author's Note:**

> With probably hands down the grossest kiss I will ever write. So uhhhh warning on that? This kiss is gross because Murdoc is gross and we all know it!!! His tongue will be down your throat because he probably thinks that's sexy. 
> 
> Genderless reader for the most part.  
> (I'm trying to write this reader as uhhh vaguely and as neutrally as I possibly can so guys, gals, and NB folks can enjoy! Lmk how that worked out)

Another shitty year down the drain. How many things went wrong this year, you wondered. Too fucking many, to be honest! But the absolute lowlights  _ had _ to be the following;

  * Your car breaking down for good back in March. 
  * Your shitty job eliminating your position forcing you to take a lateral move to a shittier department.
  * Your shitty ex breaking up with you by revealing they're cheating and you had absolutely no clue.
  * Your stylist fucking up your haircut so badly you had to cut off more than you wanted. (Who fucks up a trim _that_ badly?!)
  * That drunk person who pissed on and ruined your favorite shoes on the train two weeks ago.



You were so tired from this year that you kinda just wanted to Rip Van Wrinkle it through the next 100 and be done with it. But you  _ insisted _ this new year was going to be  _ your _ year. And you were going to start it off right.

Except your idea of starting it off right was shoving so many pizza bagels and cheetos down your throat and washing it all down with a refreshing 2 liter your favorite soda that you put yourself in a food coma by 9:30 wearing your favorite pajamas and hopefully cuddling your pillow.

But your best friend  _ had _ to take you out to some exclusive bar that you were now sitting in, alone, because your friend was off chasing down whatever c-list celebrity happened to be there. You bitterly sipped a martini and impatiently wiggled your foot as though you were tapping it while you sat your barstool as you looked out amongst the sea of drunks waiting for the ball to drop.

You'd been single for a few months now and it dawned on you, nobody would be kissing you this New Year. What the absolute fuck? If you were being forced to be in public instead of drowning yourself in pizza bagels, the least you could do was find someone to swap spit with once the New Year hit. You hopped off your barstool after downing the last bit of your martini and headed to the dance floor.

Most attendees came as a couple or a group, you were struggling to pick out the loners as the ball drop loomed closer and closer. You could see the desperate people paring up faster and faster, which only made you more nervous. You'd take fucking  _ anyone _ at this point. 

Somebody touched your shoulder gently and leaned in, speaking over the music. “What's wrong, love?” the voice asked. It was gruff and British sounding, kinda sexy you had to admit. “You looking for someone?” They asked.

“Looking for someone desperate enough to kiss me when the ball drops!” You said before whipping around to face them. Your stomach sank. Whoever this was, were you really desperate enough to kiss them? His skin was green and you had to admit he kind of smelled.  _ Was that him _ ? It could just be the mixture of sweat from everyone stinking up this dance floor. But that couldn't be, wouldn't you have noticed it sooner?

“I can't see why, love, you're an absolute dime.” The man said, he eyed you like a wolf would eye it's dinner and you swallowed hard as he licked his lips. Even in the color changing lights you could tell there was something off about his eyes, other than the fact he smelled like a slightly decomposing body someone had dumped vodka on.

“Thanks?” You said. Fuck it, you were desperate enough. You weren't going to go home with him, after this kiss you'd never see him again.

“ **_One minute!_ ** ” The DJ yelled as everyone turned their faces to the screen behind him. You just froze and looked into the eyes of the man you were preparing yourself to kiss. This man didn't seem like he knew how to bathe, did he a least know how to brush his teeth? You fucking  _ hoped _ .

He laughed disgustingly, a kind of haw haw hawn? You didn't even know how to describe it other than gross, and a little sexy. Kinda made your stomach tingle, or was that the 5 pornstar martinis you'd drank earlier? 

_ Oh g*d please don't let me vomit. _ You thought as you nodded. “Yeah!’ You said. 

“Brilliant!” He replied.

 

The bar partons started chanting. It was time.

 

“ **TEN! NINE!** ”

 

No more time to prepare yourself 

 

“ **SIX! FIVE!** ”

 

Here it comes, take a deep breathe.

 

“ **THREE!** ”

 

Here comes his mouth, you move your mouth in too and close your eyes.

 

“ **TWO!** ”

 

Your lips make contact with his, has he ever fucking head of chapstick?!

 

**“ONE!** ”

 

You opened your mouth to make out with him.

 

“ **_Happy-mother-fuckin’ NEW YEAR!_ ** ” The DJ screams into the mic. Suddenly some shitty remix of Auld Lang Syne began and you felt his tongue rush into your mouth as his hands pull your chest close to his. Confetti was falling everywhere as the music thumped in your skull.

This was the most disgustingly sloppy kiss you had ever recieved, and then you noticed there was something wrong, his tongue was too long!  It touched the back of your throat, something you were decidedly  _ not _ ready for, amd your eyes sprung open as you put your hands to his chest. But he wasn't quite done playing literal tonsil hockey with you yet.

It was kind of disgusting, all wet and slick like that. He tasted like the martinis you were drinking earlier, which was nice, but what the fuck? His tongue was moving effortlessly in your mouth and throat and took the air out of your lungs, you couldn't help but wonder  _ what else could he do with that thing _ ? Your stomach tingled again and you started coughing (choking?) and he recalled his tongue, pulling away from you.

“Woah, woah, woah!” He said as he steadied you, your chest was heaving and a hot feeling settled on your face as people nearby looked upon the chaos that was your coughing fit. You struggled to breathe and quickly made your way off the dance floor, leaving the man behind.

That was the most disgusting thing you had ever experienced, but also low key sexy, you thought as your coughing began to subside. The bartender could hear you coughing and slid you a glass of water, which you quickly chugged. “I need to pay off my tab!” You said loudly as you dug for your phone. The case was your wallet and you pulled your card out, practically shoving it in the bartender's hand.

The rest of the night was a hectic blur, you had to have taken an uber or something home, you actually did rideshare to the bar, it was only logical. You must have just crashed the second you flopped on your bed, because when you woke up you were fully dressed. Your clubbing clothes were still on, how gross. 

“Fuck me.” You muttered as you sat up. Your head was absolutely pounding, and you strongly regretted not saying home last night. your friend had insisted on dragging you to that stupid ass  exclusive club. Exclusive? To whom? Weirdos?! Had to be because of that guy had been allowed in.

You reached into your pocket for your phone and as you pulled it out along with it came a napkin. You looked at it and realized it had been written on. “Call Me” it said on it. Call me? Call who? Tongue guy? Oh fuck. When did he slip that into your pocket?!

You hesitated and gave the number a call. Someone answered. “Who the bloody hell is this?” the voice started.

“I should ask the same.” you said, your voice was a little hoarse from all the hard coughing you did last night. “You gave me your number sometime during that gross ball drop kiss.” You explained.

His disgusting laugh issued itself from the ear speaker on your phone. “Oh hello, love. Callin’ for a little bit of a round two?” He purred. You shivered a little. “Or did you want to see what else this tongue could do?” He asked, his voice was disgusting and oddly seductive. 

“When and where?”

**Author's Note:**

> Next time I'll just have him spit in your mouth or smth.
> 
> We stan a narsty man in this house.


End file.
